Hummingbird

*Someone who is the embodiment of everything you’ve ever wanted. You don’t feel worthy because they’re so great, not because you’re terrible or anything. The doubt that you could ever win them over kills you. You’d do whatever it takes. I think this is one of the most raw things I’ve written. It’s a few months old at this point, just needed to edit a bit. The feelings they can induce make your heart go crazy, and it’s amazing but absolutely terrifying.*

On nights like this I find myself shaking.

Nothing is the same when you’re on my mind.

I’m terrified and my body’s quaking.

It’s like gaining sight after being blind.

My mind and my heart are splitting in two.

I don’t want reality to set in.

All I desire is more time with you,

But this feels like a battle I can’t win.

Reality will drown my aching heart,

Or these feelings will end me being sane.

Either way I’ll be slowly torn apart.

In love or loneliness I will know pain.

I can’t speak when I look into your eyes.

I’m immersed in even the slightest smile.

My head starts to scream while my heart just flies.

But together they know that you’re worthwhile.

Your face could truly launch one thousand ships,

But your soul itself is what gives me bliss.

I imagine the sweet taste of your lips,

The perfection I’d feel from a real kiss.

Something I feel like I can never own.

Something that no one could ever deserve.

You’re a goddess who needs a golden throne.

You are immaculate in every curve.

Perfect shape to go with a pretty face.

You are all I could ever desire.

Each glance makes my heart continue to race.

Each word that you speak adds to this fire.

The flames do nothing but consume my soul.

How could I deserve someone so perfect?

How do I begin to make you feel whole?

How could I when I have all this conflict?

No one else has filled me with so much doubt,

But your existence gives me sweet release.

But will these flames or me be what burns out?

Despite my happiness and endless peace,

I’m terrified for the first time in life.

I choke on words when I just hear your voice.

It feels like my throat’s been gouged by a knife.

But all this torture makes my heart rejoice.

Because it just means that you’re in my thoughts.

You’re the reason I’m awake every night.

It’s russian roulette but you’re all the shots,

And I want everything to feel alright.

I’m sick of feeling we can’t be as one.

All of me wants your every temptation.

I’m tired of feeling my being is done.

All I ache for is your admiration.

I want you to feel in all the same ways,

But free from this chaotic burning hell.

I could sing of your beauty for all days.

But I need you to feel this exact spell.

This feeling I can’t explain so easy,

Like dynamite exploding me inside.

It’s almost like a good kind of queasy,

Where all my troubles spill to the wayside.

Because when you’re here nothing else matters.

I forget every trouble in my world.

And when you leave my soul is in tatters.

My heart feels broken and my head feels whirled.

You should only know the parts that feel good,

Not the results from when you disappear.

You’re the fairy tale from every childhood,

And in every night you’re all I want near.

You give me life like the air that I breathe,

Pure butterflies with a hummingbird’s wings.

And life without you only makes me seethe.

I’m a puppet and you control the strings.

I’m in agony but I feel so free.

To even know you means I have great luck.

But I desperately want you with me.

Ever since we first met I’ve been moonstruck,

Because you are a prize worth fighting for.

I’m still unsure what to call this feeling.

I only know that it’s you I adore.

Thanks to you my essence has found healing.

You’re worth any crucible I must take.

I never want this feeling to sever.

Because if it does I’ll know real heartache.

But I will be yours now and forever.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *